Well!

It lasted about 2 hours longer than "this", and now it's over there's a surprising sense of relief. I don't care how cute and smart a boy is, I learned before that what looks awesome on paper doesn't usually translate to awesome in real life.

Mom told me awhile ago that one of her major regrets is not teaching my brother and me to rely on our intuition and instincts. Sometimes it's hard to even recognize intuition, but this time it was slapping me in the face for at least a week and a half. It's not that I didn't rely on it; it's that I didn't want to deal with it in the first place. *I* wasn't the one who wanted out, but I'm also never a person to try and force a relationship into a place it's not meant to go. If a man can step into a relationship he should be able to step back out, with honesty and forthrightness to the woman he is seeing. That's what hurts- the thought that even though Kyle liked me (he better have), he stayed even though he didn't want to. Why does that hurt? Should I be flattered somehow that he tried to tough it out? It just makes me mad. It makes me feel DECEIVED. And being deceived means there was no respect, no caring... I guess that's what hurts.

On the bright side, now I can lose 10 pounds, get gussied up, and loiter in book stores looking for a new and better one.

(Ok, still hurting.)